Right now I just feel like drowning in the music, write down what i want to feel and make myself 'better.' I know that being depressed is bad for my health, literally, but i don't think it is easy to get rid of depression after all. there are lots of things bugging my life - unexpectedly and unwantedly. and i am just surprised how my cheeks would get wet by tears easily. in short, the past problems trying to sort of 'devastate' my feelings but not entirely my whole life have suddenly transformed me to a super-sensitive crybaby. in any way, however, i found crying to be an effective way of letting out those feelings and, combining it with writing, will eventually make me feel better. in the end, i just laugh off, realizing that those things i'm crying about are petty stuffs.
before i entered this internet cafe i was super frustrated. first, the previous internet shop can't open any sites. then thoughts of my so-fucked up phone began reminding me of still being 'disconnected' with the world and that kinda sucks. i realized hours earlier that communication has now become so important in any rate - whether it was communication with another person, with the world and even with myself.
and so as i remember a line from a song of Unwritten Law: 'everything gets told.'
there is only one that made me glad tonight. grades. i dont think i have to rant about getting unexpected grades for some of my subjects, espeecially my 'favorite' ones. getting five line of 1's is super acceptable already.
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"the past problems trying to sort of 'devastate' my feelings have suddenly transformed me to a super-sensitive crybaby"
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right now i'm sort of okay. and i think i need to thank God for some reliefs He gave me today. I got the confirmation that our tuition fee decreased, and so i don't have to worry about extra cash. then our land lady gave us time for settling our rent debts. that debt issue kept bothering me, but now that i am not so pressured to get financial stuffs from nowhere, i just thank God for that.
as for the phone. i think i was just acting like a spoiled brat. although it hurts, i have to accept things as they are right now. and i have to accept this fact, because i can't really have everything, we really lose some things along the way. maybe we'll pick up some things in the later time, and maybe i shouldn't wait for it because it will just make me depressed and bitter towards other people anyway.
as ive said the other day, i should just enjoy what im doing for the current time. like the Inkblots that just started. also, dont have to think about the frustrating parts that hapened today, because eventually it'll go to the past when i wake up tomorrow. there are lots of things to give attention to. okay this is not easy. but i hope i will, with God's help.